El Shaddai

Today in church we had special music when K, R and MJ played guitar and sang El Shaddai by Michael Card. It has to be on my top list of favorites of all time. The hauntingly beautiful music and lyrics have been part of a soundtrack of my walk with the Lord. This was recorded by Amy Grant (as well as others, including the author Michael Card) and I don't know if it was written for her, but it suits her voice perfectly. I have sun this song in jubilant joy and in agonizing desperation. Considering this Friday's Faith on Friday post, I felt it fitting to choose a song about "the God who really sees."







El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
El-Elyon na Adonai,
Age to age You're still the same,
By the power of the name.


El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
Erkamka na Adonai,
We will praise and lift You high,
El Shaddai.


Through your love and through the ram,
You saved the son of Abraham;
Through the power of your hand,
Turned the sea into dry land.

To the outcast on her knees,
You were the God who really sees,
And by Your might,
You set Your children free.


El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
El-Elyon na Adonai,
Age to age You're still the same,
By the power of the name.


El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
Erkamka na Adonai,
We will praise and lift You high,
El Shaddai.


Through the years You've made it clear,
That the time of Christ was near,
Though the people couldn't see
What Messiah ought to be.


Though Your Word contained the plan,
They just could not understand
Your most awesome work was done
Through the frailty of Your Son.


El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
El-Elyon na Adonai,
Age to age You're still the same,
By the power of the name.


El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
Erkamka na Adonai,
I will praise and lift You high,
El Shaddai.


El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
El-Elyon na Adonai,
Age to age You're still the same,
By the power of the name.


El Shaddai, El Shaddai,
Erkamka na Adonai,
I will praise and lift You high,
El Shaddai.

Songs On Sunday

"Disclaimer" - I realize that a lot of my posts have been "heavy" lately and for those of you who have known this primarily as a "knitting blog" you are probably wondering if I still knit! Yes I do, I just haven't had energy to block my lace, photograph finished objects and post. That will be coming soon. I am in a season of my life where God is asking me deep questions, causing me to think through things that I thought I had already figured out and sorting through the clutter in my emotional and mental attic! I understand if you are not interested in reading. I enjoy my interactions with other women in the blogosphere, but I also write to help my own growing progress. I hope that makes sense. My posts won't always be so heavy, but life isn't sweetness and fluff all the time!

Today was Communion Sunday. Our church chooses to celebrate this the first Sunday of each month as did my church in Washington. For me this is nice - not so often that it becomes rote and not so seldom that we forget. Ironically in our sermon series on Abraham, this Sunday covered Melchizedek, the High Priest of God, meeting with Abram after the recapture of Lot and the return of the spoils of Sodom. Melchizedek brought bread and wine - the food of kings at the time, but also the ingredients for performing a Covenant.

Sadly, in this day and age and in western culture, we do not understand the idea of a covenant. Thus we so easily break them - marriages, commitments to God, promises to those we love. In ancient times the breaking of a covenant meant death. Today it's an every day occurence. Sad.




My Mom took this picture at Laurel Church, the church I attended through most of my 20s and my early 30s. At the foot of this cross (behind us), Hubby and I made a Covenant. As you can see 9+ years later, we have fulfilled our promise to be fruitful and multiply! :o) L to R, J, D and A. I wanted a picture here because our tenth wedding anniversary is coming up.

As we made our eternal Covenant with God, we took Communion together for the first time. Today, it was so odd, when the tray came to me I wanted to serve my Husband. That's not what we normally do, it's not something I thought out but something that I felt compelled to do at the moment. I chickened out when the wafers came, but did pass him the grape juice. I'm not sure what this meant and I'm still digesting it. But one thing I know, that I NEVER get tired of taking communion with my husband.

This is one of those things I did not think of when I was single and dreaming of marriage - you think of physical intimacy, someone to go to the movies with, snuggle with etc. Don't get me wrong, those things are nice, but I praise God every day for the man who prays with me, takes communion with me, teaches my children about God and loves me even if I don't deserve it! Let me tell you ladies, I lived in an unequally yoked home, a single parent home, I was single long enough and in enough BAD relationships to appreciate what I have. And young ladies, waiting for God's choice for you, PLEASE WAIT! What He has planned for you is better than you can ever imagine. No relationship is perfect, but when God is the Head of your household, He does amazing work in your lives! And if your heart is broken from the pain of a sad or unhealthy relationship, God is the place to go for comfort and healing! I know!



One of the joys of having children has been seeing my Mom, Ruth, and my step Dad, Jack interact with them... not only as loving Grandparents but as torchbearers to the next generation! This picture was taken while Hubby and I were on our "honeymoon" and the kids went to church alone with Grandma and Grandpa. J is in my Mom's lap and A on Grandpa Jack's lap and naturally D is in between.

As for Songs On Sunday, we sang beautiful Hymns today - both old and contemporary - How Great Is Our God, My Jesus I Love Thee, The Wonderful Cross, Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus) and In Christ Alone. The woman who sang Untitled Hymn as a solo during Communion was so LOVELY. By the time she was done, the tears were streaming down my face. I relate to so many of the words and then through my grief journey I cling to the end "fly to Jesus" and it gives me HOPE.

This is A getting ready for church at Grandma's. She is wearing for the first time a dress I made her. It started out as a top from a vintage pattern that was too short for modesty. I didn't have enough to make a dress so I found some coordinating green and had just enough of the main print to put a band at the bottom of the front only... oh well, at least she has a unique, one of a kind outfit! :o) She loves it!

Here J contemplates the butterflies on her new jumper that I made her. (All photos today taken by my Mom Ruth)

In Christ Alone

Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townsend

Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

In Christ alone my hope is found;

He is my light, my strength, my song;

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My comforter, my all in all—

Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone,

Who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness,

Scorned by the ones He came to save.

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied;

For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—

Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,

Light of the world by darkness slain;

Then bursting forth in glorious day,

Up from the grave

He rose again!

And as He stands in victory,

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;

For I am His and He is mine—

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—

This is the pow'r of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home—

Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

Grandpa and his kids! J, A and D with Grandpa Jack.

A and J watching brother and the big kids practice their musical performance. The kids really clicked quickly with the kids at Laurel and had a blast with teacher R!

Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice

Weak and wounded sinner

Lost and left to die

O, raise your head, for love is passing by

Come to Jesus

Come to Jesus

Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted

And carried far away

And precious blood has washed away the stain, so

Sing to Jesus

Sing to Jesus

Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby

Don't be afraid to crawl

And remember when you walk

Sometimes we fall...so

Fall on Jesus

Fall on Jesus

Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely

And steep and filled with pain

So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then

Cry to Jesus

Cry to Jesus

Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over

And music fills the night

And when you can't contain your joy inside, then

Dance for Jesus

Dance for Jesus

Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat

Kiss the world goodbye

Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and

Fly to Jesus

Fly to Jesus

Fly to Jesus and live!

Songs On Sunday - God's Impeccable Timing

God has impeccable timing. Just on the heels of my last post, the song I am posting today is a confirmative balm. This morning I had fully intended on attending church, but I woke up with a very sore knee and overall not feeling well. Being at church would mean a lot of time in the worst position (90* angle) for my knee/leg. As Hubby kissed me goodbye, I was crying. I flipped on tv to see if I could find Charles Stanley or another good sermon. I miss Dr. Stanley, but I did get to hear some beautiful music from another preacher's (who I didn't listen to) show. First there was Randy Travis, whose music I love! That was a treat. Then The Talleys sang this song which Avalon (and probably others) recorded. God is good. All the time.



Orphans of God (Avalon)


Who here among us has not been broken
Who here among us is without guilt or pain
So oft’ abandoned by our transgressions
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this


Chorus:
There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God


Come ye unwanted and find affection
Come all ye weary, come and lay down your head
Come ye unworthy, you are my brother
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

O blessed Father, look down upon us
We are Your children, we need Your love
We run before Your throne of mercy
And seek Your face to rise above

Faith On Friday

Well, it's still Friday Pacific time! It has been a long day and I almost decided not to write, but this is a treat for me at the end of a long day.

Currently we are reading in 2 Kings in our 90 days through the Bible journey. We are getting so much out of reading our Bibles this way. While there have been a few "dry" areas, I find myself each day looking forward to reading and even though I've read these pages many times through before, I still am waiting excitedly to see what comes next.

Earlier in the week we read about Hannah, the mother of Samuel and I knew that I wanted to share about her.

A little more than five years ago, I began the 1 Samuel Precept study. If you really want to learn from your Bible, an inductive study is the way to go. So, Wednesday night I am in bed and I am working on my assignment for Thursday morning. I just love Hannah. Not only did she face infertility just like me, but she trusts God. She stands up for herself even though her rival is cruel to her. She goes boldly before Him and pours out her heart. Her plea is so deep and emotional that Eli thinks she is drunk! She doesn't care, because she knows that her God understands.

And God's response to her is compassionate and awesome. He not only gives her Samuel, but many other sons and daughters. Hannah diligently follows through on her vow and Samuel becomes a prophet for Israel.

That night as I worked through the questions, looked up the cross references and thought about the circumstances. I began to see a pattern emerge and realized that God is in control. There truly is a time and a purpose for everything under Heaven and God knows each child before they are even born and knows when they will be born. As I lay in bed with my 35 week twin belly huge before me and little arms and feet kicking everywhere continually, I thought about His goodness to me and how He had "knit these babies together" in my womb and that even though Kaiser kept testing me 3 times a week and threatening dire consequences if we didn't make it to at least 36 weeks, that God was ultimately in control.

My sleep was sweet. I had D all packed to go with his Aunt Kathy for a "dry run" for when we had the babies. I still didn't have girl clothes since I had only known for about 10 days that the babies would be girls and I was wondering how I was going to accomplish that on bed rest, but didn't worry too much. Mine was the peaceful sleep of one who rests securely in his arms.

Early the next morning I rose to go to the bathroom and felt wet. Oh my goodness... 36 years old and I wet my bed! LOL That's what I thought. But as I rose I couldn't stop it from coming and the realization slowly came to me that my water had broken. The most amazing thing happened. A blanket of calm and peace came over me. Not so my Hubby. I was not supposed to have twins at 35 weeks. After all it had been drummed into our heads that 36 weeks was the goal for lung development! But I was confident in the Lord that my babies were being born exactly when He wanted them to be born and that He was in control. I called the hospital. I took a shower, tried to call my Mom, called my SIL and had her meet us at the hospital, got D up and ready... he was only 17 months old. God was in charge of everything. His bag was already packed to go with Aunt Kathy, so we didn't even have to worry about that!

It may not sound like any big deal but when your water breaks at 35 weeks, generally you are ill at ease, especially when you have a medical background and understand a lot of the implications. But I knew this peace was from God. You always know when it is the peace of God that passes all understanding because you find yourself in situations that you know just would not naturally be you. He blessed me so that day. It was like He prepared me to not be scared. And you know what? Those girls came out breathing great! The only problem was low blood sugar because I had not eaten since the night before.

Twila Paris is one of my favorite Christian artists and I enjoyed seeing her in concern in the 80s and 90s a couple times in Seattle and Bellingham. A song of hers comes to mind as I write this part of my faith journey...


God Is In Control - Twila Paris


This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don't lose the vision here
Carried away by emotion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together


God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control


History marches on
There is a bottom line drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh, but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing that has always been true
It will be true forever


He has never let you down
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me


watching over you...watching over me..
watching over every things..
watching over you..watching over me..
every little sparrow..every little things...

Thoughts On The Weekend

Friday was an odd sort of day. I started out by making a double batch of bread (5 loaves and 7 rolls). It was yummy, made with white hard wheat, which makes a milder flour than red wheat, but still has all the nutrition. The bread almost looks like white bread, it's that light. It was a Challah type bread (eggs and milk) and is very good. The recipe came from Beth Holland's Bread for Life Volume I cookbook which I received free when I purchased my mixer. I think we are going to use this bread for rolls, hamburger buns and when we want a lighter bread for friends/family or making french toast. We still like our red wheat/spelt and beet bread for sandwiches...well, that's hubby and I. The kids like the lighter bread better. My goal is to get some every day bread in the freezer so that I can take my time learning how to make some other type of breads with one and two loaf recipes and work on learning other types of bread baking, especially the ones made with sponges, starters etc.

After I did that I made chocolate chip cookies. I had some fresh milled flour left from bread making and adapted one of those recipes that is from the Urban Legend (you know...I paid $250 for this Neiman Marcus/Mrs. Field's/whoever's cookie recipe and I'm going to share it with everyone I know). Instead of brown and white sugar, I used a combo of sucanat/honey and turbinado sugar. I lessened the chocolate a little because there is so much. Honestly they are really good. If I gave you the cookie it looks dark brown and you might wonder if it was over cooked, but that's the sucanat which has a rich molasses like flavor. Now if you have in your mind that you are eating the typical chocolate chip cookie you might think, "WHAT are these?" But if you are feeling adventurous about trying a new cookie that has chocolate chips in them, you will likely enjoy them. At any rate I don't think you would know they were made with whole wheat flour. My Hubby LOVED them! And he isn't the easiest sell on healthy food! I had initially wanted to make them so he would have a treat on this extra long day for him, so I'm glad they were a hit! They have a little molasses flavor and I think you taste the walnuts in them more than you do when made with white flour, which I thought was odd. Maybe the flavors compliment themselves better. At any rate, I made lots of cookies and had dough in the freezer for later and Hubby liked them so much he raided the dough from the freezer and made some more tonight! :o)

Then Friday afternoon Hubby came home and told me there were ten cop cars surrounding our house and the neighbors. Lovely! We don't know for sure what is going on, but likely it had to do with drugs. Not what I wanted to hear when Hubby was going to be gone until after 10PM. I decided not to worry but to immediately pray and ask for God's protection and asked my folks to pray too.

While Hubby was taking a nap Friday afternoon, I noticed the interesting light through the window and went searching for a rainbow...

First I saw this...it's our neighbor's weeping birch (responsible for a lot of my itching and wheezing!) and these are a lot of the Goldfinches, House finches and other birds that eat at our feeders. When they hear us coming out or see us standing up by the window, they fly away to the protection of this tree.

Then sure enough there was a rainbow over our house, just faintly. Before this last storm came, I spent hours trimming our Mimosa tree and the rose bushes out front. Next I need to clean out some of the pots in front in which I container garden. The tulips and daffodils are shooting up, but are late. I love pansies and usually fill in the planters with those during spring.

Before I came in I noticed one of my old roses, which looked so pretty in the rain.

And last but not least, here is my handsome Hubby! He is in training to become a teacher at Phoenix University. This is stage 3 of the interviewing process and he won't know for sure until he completes it. It is like taking a college class with writing, projects, group work and presentations. Friday was the first of four. I am really proud of him, whether or not he makes the final cut! He is required to wear business/professional dress. Since our church is casual and teaching middle school is pretty informal, I rarely see him in a tie. He cleans up pretty good! :o)

Well, all that was just Friday! Saturday we slept in. It's so nice now that the kids are a little bit older, they get up and start playing whether we are awake or not. They are really pretty good about following the rules... and also good at tattle telling if someone breaks them! lol Once Saturday got going we organized our Cd's into the drawers of our new TV armoire (bought at a consignment store for a great deal!). Pics will follow for my Mom. It's really nice to be able to listen to our music again. I have a lot of Christian music from the 80s and 90s since I was either working at a Christian bookstore, or single without a lot of responsibilities at that time and could afford it. I still love the older music and enjoy listening to it. We went through toys and sorted out ones which are no longer used. And I made a spot for my knitting and for the laptop, that I am using to blog right now. Then I got started re-organizing our school supplies. Our living room is pretty humble by most people's standards but I have been working hard to make it a HOME. We have to share it for living space, dining space, play space and school space, so it has taken some work to get it just right. It was hard to rearrange to get our new furniture in here which seems so big and is in this small space, but our family is growing and we need places to sit. Now we have places for our family to sit too! We still have a lot of remodeling/reorganizing to do in our house and we'll probably get it done just in time to sell it! Isn't that how it always seems to go? That doesn't sound like much but it took all day and we were pooped. Hubby and I sat down and watched Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Agent of Grace which we rented. We both like a lot of WWII stories, though he likes more the technical/mechanical/warrior type stories and I love the human interest/social history stories. This was an interesting movie and I would like to see if my library has any of his writings.

Today we were all able to go back to church for the first time in a few weeks and it was so nice. We sang a hymn today which I rarely have heard in any churches. However, as a child, it was very special to me. After my brother died, I only was able to go to church a few times a year with my Grandma Hopkins. There was an older Norwegian gentleman, Louie Hanson, who led music usually with his accordion and sometimes with his wife Neva at the piano. When they called for requests, I held my hand high and asked for #3. Here it is, written more than a hundred years before I was born by Katherine Hankey 1834-1911:

1. I love to tell the story
of unseen things above,
of Jesus and his glory,
of Jesus and his love.
I love to tell the story,
because I know 'tis true;
it satisfies my longings
as nothing else can do.

Refrain:
I love to tell the story,
'twill be my theme in glory,
to tell the old, old story
of Jesus and his love.

2. I love to tell the story;
more wonderful it seems
than all the golden fancies
of all our golden dreams.
I love to tell the story,
it did so much for me;
and that is just the reason
I tell it now to thee.

(Refrain)

3. I love to tell the story;
'tis pleasant to repeat
what seems, each time I tell it,
more wonderfully sweet.
I love to tell the story,
for some have never heard
the message of salvation
from God's own holy Word.

(Refrain)

4. I love to tell the story,
for those who know it best
seem hungering and thirsting
to hear it like the rest.
And when, in scenes of glory,
I sing the new, new song,
'twill be the old, old story
that I have loved so long.

(Refrain)

The song fit perfect in a day when testimonies were shared in the service. Verse 4 applies well... I love hearing people's testimonies and never ever tire of hearing how God works in peoples' lives!

Amazing

I never cease to be amazed when God sends me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it. It has been a really rough day, where the spiritual battle has been tangible. Today Charlotte emailed me and sent me this link to God Tube for a song by Third Day. It is sung to the tune of Amazing Grace. Charlotte didn't know this but that song is a part of my salvation experience (the day after I was saved at family camp, there was a talent show and I played Amazing Grace on my flute) and whenever I hear it I cry. I cry because in those moments I am reminded again how it is only His Grace that has saved me and how powerful that is. It's not a "I'm a lowly worm, pathetic doormat" kind of way that the world often thinks. It is a truthful, honest assessment of who I am in relation to Him and seeing again, the real need I have and not sinking in despair but raising my eyes and hands and heart to Him, recognizing that He Alone has made me Whole.

The song is worth a listen. Thank you Charlotte for sharing. I took a little worship break and feel nourished after listening, praising and reading the scripture (Psalm 50:1-15) that she shared. I want to pass it on to any of my readers who may also need that lift of encouragement today too.

Happy Valentine's Day

I was reading on Mrs. Wilt's site this morning and she had a sweetheart candy personalized at this site. It was so cute, I had to go too so I could proclaim my love of my hubby! :o) Happy Valentine's Day hubby! I love you more than blogs could ever say! Knowing you the last ten years is the best thing that has happened in my life, other than knowing Jesus! I am so thankful that we share this journey together.

For all of you that think, "Ah how sweet and sappy!" and feel a little cynical on Valentine's Day or sad because you are feeling alone. Believe, me, I have been there and done that! It seems like I was always in the "off again" stage of my other "on again/off again" relationships on Valentine's Day and I spent 32 of them as a single woman, so I have had a lot of those other feelings. Sometimes it can be almost painful. I know it sounds corny, like the pat answer, but to be really honest, there was no Valentine joy in my heart until I understood the love of God. When you are single you think that the people who aren't single have it made on Valentine's Day. Well, in some ways, yes, it is easier, but the love of a person can never fill the space in our hearts that longs for Jesus, the true lover of our soul. (If you don't know what I mean, I welcome sincere dialogue or you might want to check out the "ready?" button at the right.)

Even as a married woman, I find it is vital for me to maintain my "romance" with God...the intimate relationship of sharing, learning, growing, changing, becoming whole that enhances all of my life and sustains me through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Lately, in addition to my Bible reading and study in Romans, Hosea and Judges and my Bible study in Max Lucado's Facing Your Giants, I have really been nourished by the praise music of Chris Tomlin on the See The Morning special edition cd. One song in particular has struck a chord in my heart and expresses how I feel quite well...

How Can I Keep From Singing
c 2006 sixsteps Music, adapted by Chris Tomlin, Matt Redman and Ed Cash

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing!
(this chorus repeats)


I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

repeat chorus

I can sing in troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

repeat chorus